2007 has not been easy, but it has been more than memorable. I have finished another year of nursing school, four clinical rotations, and several dozen textbooks. I've managed to maintain magna cum laude status regardless of the chaos that is my normal life. Being a widowed mother of two is no easy task, I assure you. July of 2008 will see the 5th anniversary of Mark's death; I have changed so entirely since then. For the best, I think (I hope). Still, the path that leads to strength is not a journey to be taken barefoot. I am mother and father, breadwinner, cook, counselor, maid, chauffeur, and referee. I often forget what silence sounds like. My car has not been what I would call clean for several years. And I don't care. I'm too tired to care most of the time. And when I'm not, I have better things to do than sweat the small stuff...
I have learned to take most things in stride, really. I have no false perceptions about my flaws and limitations at this point. I am a procrastinator and a daydreamer. Although I recently turned 34, I feel no different than I did when I was 17. Maturity really doesn't change your personality. Neither does loss, gain, grief or joy. They may change your attitude, but not you. Then again, I have learned that attitude is almost everything, so... Perhaps I'm just the odd one out. Despite everything, however, I still feel like a kid. For the most part, I see that as a blessing.
I am not a kid, though. I am beginning to see the slightest traces of laugh lines around my eyes these days; those are a sure sign that time is going to win... eventually. That's fine, too. There's not much I would change about my life, honestly. Sure, it's difficult at times. I've learned to handle it. Still, I'd like to have a normal life one day in the not too distant future. I'd like to have a husband and good kids and eventually, grandkids. Won't it be a hoot? I'll be somebody's grandmother and still feel like a 17 year-old. I'll be the coolest grandma ever; wait and see...
Until then, I have 2008 to conquer. I think the coming year will bring change, good and bad. I think it will bring adventure. I think it will see me passing boards and getting a killer job as an onc nurse. Thanks to the seemingly horrific lessons of fate and life itself (and a helluva tough marine), I am ready. At last.
Cheers... and Happy New Year.




